It is now official. I am no longer a Star Wars fan. I’ll be honest with you: I wanted to leave this movie 15 minutes in. It was horrible. I loved Star Wars. I grew up collecting the little figures, hell, I even had Return of the Jedi bed-sheets when I was younger (and yes, I have grown out of them by now). I was one of those idiots who waited in line for 6 days to see (expletive) Jar Jar Binks not get killed. I saw The Phantom Menace six times, trying to convince myself that I liked it. Which I didn’t.
And therein lies the problem: I have spent the last nine years trying to convince myself I don’t hate the series I fell in love with as a kid. The problem is, all the new Star Wars movies pretty much suck. We all talk around them like they exist in a vacuum away from the original three flicks, the way that Republicans talk around Bush’s real motives for starting a war (ahem, money). We try to kid ourselves and find parts of the new films that we like, convincing ourselves and our friends that they are good movies and add some sort of depth that wasn’t there before. But, alas, all fairy tales must end and I, once again, am left to be the one to finally scream out that the Emperor is not wearing any clothes. In fact, not only is he not wearing clothes, but his body is deformed into an ugly specimen that not even Gollum would find precious. I could write an essay on the first three movies and how they are premonitions of the Rapture as predicted in Nostradamus’ prophecies, but that would digress farther than I want to.
Please continue reading this review in the next post, it will not take long! See you there 🙂